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Archive for the ‘Man United’ Category

Note: This fictitious piece is based on the reports that Kenny Huang and the Chinese government have expressed their interest in taking over Liverpool. There may be bits of what seem politically incorrect, which are completely not intended. I request all Chinese readers to take it in good humor, if this site is not blocked in China, that is.

Kenny Huang: Why hello Roy! I’ve been expecting you. Come in, have a seat.

Roy Hodgson: Thank you, Mr. Huang.

Huang: Now, the papers may be screaming that I’ve ‘taken over’ the club but I find that too strong a word. I prefer ‘joined hands’. I’m just here to help the club in any way I can. I trust that we can strike up a cordial partnership and take Liverpool back to where it deserves to be.

Hodgson: Of course sir. I’ll try my ut-

Huang: Say, this Google is something eh?

Hodgson: Pardon, sir?

Huang: Google Roy, Google. I’ve been stuck to my laptop for two hours and I still can’t get enough of it. It’s such a relief to type ‘girl on girl action’ on a search engine and not have my house blown up. (more…)

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The Women’s World Cup? I’m guessing that’s a Double D.

– Carlton Palmer confuses (World) Cup sizes.

Let me be honest. The time my co-authors spent on getting reacquainted with basic arithmetic, I spent by not watching the group stage of the FIFA Under-20 Women’s World Cup. In fact, I do not even know if there was a group stage. Neither did I see the knockout stages or the quarterfinals. Nor the semifinals. Actually, I saw roughly ten minutes of one game that I believe was the final. I’m not sure. So the majority of this World Cup review will be based on extrapolation, guesswork, and telepathy. Not unlike the majority of World Cup refereeing.

If I learned anything from playing rugby, apart from the fact that I am awful at playing rugby, it is that it takes a lot of concerted effort to bring a fully grown man down; me, not so much. Unfortunately, nobody let football know. Or so I thought.

Which is why, BFZ gives two heartfelt thumbs up to the FIFA Under-20 Women’s World Cup. After watching a very enjoyable twenty-minute period of a damned decent football match between Nigeria and Germany, during which the referee was called into action all of zero times, the only thing to hit the deck and writhe around in agony for seemingly no reason was my jaw.

(more…)

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When we started this column, our aim was to pick one of the gazillion articles floating about on many of our fellow ‘football news-sites’ and point and laugh at their incredibly inane ‘rumours’ and ‘Stat Attacks’. We get the right to do this because of three reasons:

  1. We don’t have a huge reporter base with their ears perenially to the ground picking up the merest sounds of a rumour like how horses can pick up an impending earthquake.
  2. We don’t have a Statistics Team and in spite of the 8 Engineering graduates (and hopefuls) who write this blog, our Statistics grades are really nothing to write on BigFourZa about.
  3. We wouldn’t bother even if we did have both of the above.

Of course, pointing and laughing is the easy way out. So just to show we’re not always playing for the other team, I will acknowledge straightaway that this post has been inspired by an actually useful article from our good friends over at F365.

On the back of some tireless hard work and intrepid reporting, which involved 15 eye-straining minutes of reading the above article under the perennial threat of his manager peeking over his shoulder to see what the heck he was up to, yours truly has managed to gather some astonishing facts from this year’s transfers so far. (more…)

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So Final-ly it all comes down to this. The “FIFA World Cup” is on its way home to one of the two European bigwigs. Two nations with huge history, that have produced as many legends of the game, as any other country. Two teams that have embraced their own style of the game, be it the Total Voetball or the Tiki Taka. They boast of some of the world’s best academies in Ajax and Barcelona, that have churned out players of rare breed for decades. And yet when it happens that their best achievement have been limited to European championships, its only fair that these two will be vying for the coveted trophy this coming Sunday.

Hup Holland Hup or Vamos Espana?

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This World Cup has been quite interesting in the amount of publicity it has generated off the pitch, rather than on it. Going by the adage ‘No publicity is bad publicity’, FIFA and Sepp will be grinning from ear to ear at this event which has now truly attained the status of a global event (unlike the Americans who call their 16-team leagues the ‘World Series’). Of course, now and then they’ll have to make noises about making better refereeing decisions while still going ahead and appointing Howard Webb as the referee for the finals – a decision which certainly won’t go down well with our resident Scouser. Overall though the ‘FIFA World Cup’, as it has been branded everywhere, has become a self-feeding propaganda machine that can run on itself now. We thought we had already caught the craziest, wackiest types among those in our post here, but clearly we missed out the big newsmakers! So for those of you who have been living under a rock, here they are, in descending order of shock value.

Larissa and her... um... friends.

Larissa Riquelme – If you did read the crazy, wacky post we referred to above, you would’ve seen how we thought Dallys Ferreira was the best thing to happen to South American football this World Cup. (more…)

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There was once an Octopus named Paul,

Who sensationally predicted Argentina’s fall,

All hungry Paulie wanted was his dinner,

Astoundingly, though he always picked the winner. (more…)

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Zero. A magical number in many ways. It seems empty and valueless at the outset, rather like Robinho’s head (in appearance and description). But once you begin unraveling its many layers, you’ll be shocked at the countless things it can be associated with. Lassana Diarra’s IQ. The number of footballers in the English football team. The number of times I’ve had an actual, meaningful conversation with a girl including my mother. The list is endless. So I’m sure that no one will be too miffed if that list is reduced by one. I’m talking of course, of the possibility that ‘The number of World Cups the Netherlands have won’ won’t be on the list come the eleventh.

This time for Amsterdam?

As a result of their entertaining 3-2 win over Uruguay, the ‘best team to never have won the big one’ are staring at their first final since 1978. (more…)

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