Note from the BFZ Times: After a brief hiatus from the site, caused in part due to the BFZ Times team of editors stunned by the startling truth that 90% of our readers (no no, you’re good, its those other people) cannot really grasp certain aspects of humour, it returns with some, ahem, shall we say.. “not so controversial news”.
Now that the World Cup is done with, the usual stories about a player leaving his “boyhood club” and going to his “dream-home-where-the-fans-are-the-best-in-the-world”, or vice versa in some cases, and stories about players wanting to follow the cash dangled in front of them, have begun in earnest. We, at BFZ Times, present to you in this article, the lastest transfer rumours and other gossip doing the rounds.
BFZ Times Gossip Column
Paulo is dead. Yes, there are rumours that Paulo the Octopus killed itself yesterday after it jumped out of its pool to escape the constant media attention that has been showered on it since it predicted World Cup scores correctly. As football fans might remember, it went on to have the best record in the Cup with a predicting record of 8-0. The 2 year old cephalopod, rumoured to be younger than actually stated was found dead by its caretaker yesterday night. This comes hot on the heels of the announcement that BP is looking to ask Paul(o) for his prediction on whether they can survive the oil leakage crisis in the Gulf. Looks like they should have settled for Emile Heskey instead.
Looks like Paulo won’t be sorely missed though, as Kuppusamy, the flying buffalo from India has predicted that Kansas Wizards striker, Sunil Chhetri will go on to play for one of the big four within the next two years. This comes hot on the heels of its successful prediction of the sub-prime mortgage crisis and the Tsunami that hit South Asia and bookmakers have already slashed odds on this happening in a few years time.
Manchester City are rumoured to be in the market for a piece of wood as a potential future replacement for the aging Kolo Toure. However, they are not willing to go above $5M for the piece, which is being sold by Emmanuel Adebayor (Yes, he makes money selling wood)
Liverpool’s move for Argelico Fucks as their new manager reportedly fell through after he was spotted leaving owner Tom Hicks house at 2 in the morning in the last week of June while Hicks was in India trying to sell the club to the BCCI.
The elite clubs of European football seem to be intent on forming a breakaway league after new rules introduced over the past few seasons heavily crippled them in favour of smaller clubs. Sources say that jailed Indian moghul, Lalit Modi has been contacted to head this enterprise after his brilliant handling of the IPL.
Manchester City might have gotten a few superstars in the last few days, but BFZ Times learns that they actually bid for a staggering 113 players before succeeding finally with David Silva. Taken from a host of papers over the past few weeks, we can present to you that Manchester City were reportedly snubbed by a host of superstars including Inter Milan’s Maicon, Cambiasso, Julio Cesar, Walter Samuel, Wesley Sneijder, Samuel Etoo, and Diego Milito, AC Milan’s Pato, Pirlo, Ronaldinho, Valencia’s Juan Mata, Palermo’s pair of Cavani and Kjaer, Juventus’ Felipe Melo and Chiellini, Sevilla’s Luis Fabiano, Athletico’s Forlan, Aguero, Simao, Di Gea, Asenjo, Chelsea’s Ballack (now in Leverkusen), Everton’s Jack Rodwell, Newcastle’s (then of Everton’s) Dan Gosling, Bayern’s Thomas Mueller, Arjen Robben, Phillip Lahm, and Bastian Schweinsteiger, Arsenal’s Manuel Almunia, Liverpool’s star pair of Gerrard and Torres, McLaren’s Lewis Hamilton, Radioshack’s Lance Armstrong, RHCP frontman, Anthony Kiedis, my driver, Subu, and Page 3’s Keeley Hazell, who supposedly is the best player “up front” in a poll conducted recently, to name a few. (Various Sources)
Staying with Manchester City, rumors are abound that they finally broke their record of 113 players without a success, only after owner HH Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan threatened to buy Valencia itself and leave it rotting.
Harry Redknapp’s pursuit of Edin Dzeko continues after he was overheard having a conversation with Sir Alex regarding the Wolfsburg frontman. Some snippets:
HR: Dude wassaap!
SAF : Yo Harry! How’s everything going?
HR : Man, I so want Edin Dzeko. His attributes are amazing. 19 for jumping, 17 for Heading, 17 for Anticipation, 16 for Off the Ball, and 16 for so many others! I can’t believe he is that good. If I use him as a Target Man, then I am sure he will score 40 goals a season for me!
SAF: You idiot! Stop playing FM10 so much! You do realize that those attributes are 4 years in the future, and that too assuming he develops as well as he has in the game!
HR : Er… … Well, Rio Ferdinand’s a crock whether its now or 4 years on! Take that, bitch!
He then ran away, tears in his eyes, and his thumb in his mouth.
Spurs are looking to continue their policy of selling their players to clubs and then buying them back for a lesser value. The trend which started when Robbie Keane moved to Anfield and back looks set to continue with Spurs now looking to offload Keane again (he’ll be back within 6 months, don’t worry about that). Carrick is yet another transfer target for the Spuds. Rumours have it that they might even try to get Jurgen Klinsmann back for free. Someone please tell them that he retired ages back. (Various Sources)
England are planning to make a special plea to the Spanish Federation to allow one of their goalkeepers to play for them. Spain who have a long line of goalkeepers waiting behind Iker Casillas are said to be welcome to the idea provided England loan them the now retired Emile Heskey for the same period. Reina, Valdes, Di Gea, Asenjo, Palop and Almunia are among the goalkeepers in the mix…
And last but not the least, Rafa Benitez, who took over at Inter Milan recently, is supposedly contemplating sporting a Mohawk along with his French beard. (We, at BFZ Times, would like to spare you the sight of Rafa with a Mohawk. Trust us, its not worth it)