So, in the most shocking news since MJ was found to be actually black (God bless his soul), former Liverpool, Real Madrid, Newcastle, England striker Michael James Owen, has completed a move to Manchester United. The word on the street, and reactions range from “whaaaat?? whaaaaat! Is SAF senile?” to “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry”. I’ll tell you the reasons to do both.
To Cry:
- I saw Owen play in that ‘Survival Sunday’ game for Newcastle last season. If he was what Newcastle pinned their survival hopes on, no wonder they went down. The England Under-11 striker can finish better.
- We know what Luis Saha went through. We’re seeing what Owen Hargreaves is going through. Why add one more to the list? If the idea is job-creating for the United medical staff, then woo hoo, awesome signing.
- He played for Real Madness. Or at least, made appearances for them for long enough to recoup his signing amoung through T-shirt sales, signed photographs and X-rays of his injured parts.
- This. Oh Dear God.
- I can’t think after the previous one. Oh Dear God.
To Laugh:
- While looking for replacements for CR7 and Tevez, we forgot, and have been neglecting for a while, a suitable sub for the… er… super-sub. Ole went, Henrik came and went, and Saha was always a sub (though not by choice). So, to replace such people in the ‘We need a goal!’ situation, we get Michael.
- Erm… T-shirt sales to 16-year old girls who are stuck in a time-warp and think this is 1999?
- We didn’t pay for him.
As is evident from this detailed and holistic analysis, backed up by research from some of the best management consulting companies in the world such as BCG (Broadway Confused Group), we advise that it would be unadvisable so bring Michael Owen (subject) to Manchester United (client) as a striker (purpose).
This too shall pass. And not score.
First and foremost, given a choice, I’d choose Ronaldo and Tevez to Valencia and Owen any day of the week. And since crying over spilled milk is not going to win me anything here, I’m going to choose to call the milk curdled and try to find the brighter side to the whole thing.
Owen must be desperate to play in a top-flight team! For a Liverpool player to sign up for United and almost to Everton (so said Joe Kinnear), the recession seems to have caught up with someone in football!
It is not that Fergusson has not made errors in judgement. Taibi, Djemba-Djemba, Kleberson have all proved to be flops! However, Owen does promise something different. This is what you could add to the list of ‘LAUGHS’
1) Basic salary with a performance-based bonuses, so nothing much into his account if he is injured. Being a free transfer, the club is not filling up some random club’s coffers.
2) Experienced, especially to the English game, and has played with Rooney, Carrick, etc. So, fitting in won’t be that tough. Also, no language barrier!
3) Still can sell t-shirts 🙂
4) Will be awesome if Rooney sets him up for the winner in front of the Kop!
A picture of Owen slotting the winner in front of a stunned Kop would be worth a few million quid! (Might even make it to a Visa ad!)
5) Since we have clearly missed out on our major targets, why waste big-money to buy players who we believed were not good enough in the first place? Owen will give us more scouting time!
Before Keyur Joshi starts whining about lack of class in the replacements for Ronaldo, etc. Yes, I agree with you. It will be impossible to replace Tevez and Ronaldo in terms of energy and class (respectively), but the thing is, with them gone, we cannot sit back and whine and have to find someone who can win us the Premiership, if not the Champion’s League.
Also, the link to the 32-page dossier is here :
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1194209/MICHAEL-OWEN-BROCHURE-The-complete-32-page-agents-dossier-fallen-Newcastle-star-England-striker.html
Just wondering…
There are two circumstances in which a game would be known as the Michael-Owen game!
1) Michael Owen slots the ball past a hapless Reina, to pip the Scouse and eliminating their chances of winning yet another Premiership!
2) In a match against the Scouse, Michael Owen, in a desperate attempt to do a Rooney, tracks back to defend, and deflects the ball into his own net.
Either way, Michael Owen will be in some hot water, it’s all about who will be heating it…
Sorry, mistake happened.. Point 1 should read –
1) Michael Owen slots the ball past a hapless Reina, to pip the Scouse and eliminating their chances of winning in yet another Premiership!
Inconvenience caused to Keyur is regretted. Inconvenience caused to others, is not.
Kedar,
WHY would I whine for a ‘lack of class in the replacements for Ronaldo, etc’ ?? I should be very happy about it, shudnt i?
Oh, and coming to the topic, this is a gamble…but a shrewd one at that. Owen is quality in front of goal, no doubt, so if he keeps his fitness up and the gamble pays off, it can prove to be a masterclass. If not, then united dont stand to lose really.
The motivation will be there certainly for Owen, after being dumped out of England squad and being courted by Hull and Stoke (no offense) to suddenly find himself at OT, with the WC approaching. But I’m surprised Benitez did not get him. He desperately needs a backup striker, and with their budget, pool are not going to get any good strikers really. Owen would also have had more appearances at pool than united due to Rooney and Berbatov.
Although, a fully fit Owen might actually be a better option than Berba (God bless him !!)
He didnt cost us anything. decent work-ethic, Intelligent off-the-ball movement ,Good first touch, amazing finishing abilitiy are certain characteristics that are still intact despite his four injury plagued years . He can still get us around 10-15 goals in all competitions. And i think Alex will still try and buy another good attacking midfield/Striker.
Anyway, i donno i am pretty happy after we signed owen. I am just getting the feeling that he s gonna be a big-hit. No logical basis for that its just gut-feeling.
You won’t whine, da! It is more like, rub it in, that the quality going out is significantly higher than the quality coming in.
Coming to think of it, Rafa could have quite easily gone in for Owen! I’m sure given a choice, Owen would choose Pool over United! And with the quality and experience (a fit) Owen has, if used sparingly, would make a wonderful substitute for Torres or Kuyt.
Maybe, had Owen picked up some Spanish during his stint at Madrid, Rafa would have shown some enthusiasm to sign him up.
Right now, with the absence of Ronaldo, United lack a quality winger. With Nani not living up to the expectations, Rooney might find himself playing on the left once more, opening up some wonderful opportunities for Owen to make the striker’s position his own. I guess it will boil down to Berbatov and Owen clicking!
@ Vishwa :
I think Owen will be a hit too. With Rooney and Berbatov as first-choice strikers, and Macheda and Welback developing well, Fergie will be able to use Owen sparingly (so that he doesn’t injure himself again!).
And, with the quality that United has, Owen will not be shouldering all the pressure of making and scoring goals (like at Newcastle).
I think this will turn out to be one of Fergie’s best buys!
PS : I’m sure, in his contract somewhere, lies a special bonus if he scores against the Scouse!
Add another to the laughs:
Kedar thinks he’s funny
Arre! Of course ya! Although, you must clarify one thing, what did I say to awaken you from your deep slumber? I’ve been putting these ‘funny’ comments for quite a while now…
And if Uefa invokes the 6+5 rule…(home grown players),then owen provides us the perfect cover (if hes’ injury free ofcourse)..shrewd piece of business.if it backfires,well’ find owen*2 @the treatment room…a familiar territory.!
I think SAF just wants to prove Wenger’s youth policy wrong. I believe he might fail miserably but I also believe that there is an outside chance that Owen will net only one goal the entire season and that will be the only goal that matters in an epic encounter with Real Madrid to run past a shocked Ronaldo and blow him a flying kiss which will be captured on a photograph that will be called the defining moment of this century’s soccer.
Based on a true story.
Oh… Leaving the Portugese winker stranded… 🙂
Stay off the grass da Kedar
And now he is the new number 7!
CR7 –> MO7?@