Lighter’s Note: First of, referring to myself in the third person is massively weird. Second, BigFourZa is proud to present its first ever post that’s been distilled from 86% all-natural Mourinho extracts.
“That strapping young man’s a football coach? Blimey, I could have knighted him, if you know what I mean.”
- Queen Victoria, the 342nd. Famous last words.
“Bitch, please.”
- Queen Victoria, the 343rd. Clearly not a Blue’s Fan.
Jose Mario dos Santos Felix Mourinho. Mr. Mourinho to the squad, Jose to his friends, Felix to the cats back home and JMDSFM to the obsessive compulsive internet acronym fan (OCIAF), this week Chelsea meet Inter-Milan, a team managed by a man who, and I speak for all Chelsea fans, holds a special place in my heart. The Chelsea tractor has hit a sort of cabbage patch playing away from home and there is no one more capable of derailing the Chelsea Cabbage Train than this man.
It is true that the Nerazzuri have not had much success in the Champions League over the last few seasons. But, we must remember that they were playing with a front line that basically consisted of one “quality” striker whose greatest achievement was, unfortunately, this you tube video. Now, they boast a strike force that includes Samuel Eto’o, Diego Milito, Goran Pandev and Super Mario.
As part of our build up to this mammoth fixture, here’s a reminder of why Jose was so popular amongst the members of the press. Our favourite green midget of unknown race, quite strong in the force, rounds up some of our favorite quips from M in this interview.
With Arsenal, shall we this conversation, begin?
- Yoda
I’m sorry. Parlez-Vous Anglais?
- Jose Mourinho
On the floor, laughing out loud, I roll, out from my ears, the force, does leak. That’s OTFLOLIROFMETFDE, for the OCIAF. For this game, in preparation, the matches of Chelsea have you, observed?
- Still rhymes with Skoda
I might or might not have seen the match tapes but I know Arsene Wenger would have. I think he is one of those people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families.
- Mr. M
Speaking of Voyeurs, in religion, belief, have you?
- Still four feet tall
If I believed in religion, I would have stayed at Porto – beautiful blue chair, the UEFA Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me.
- God’s homeboy
The rotation of Robben, Cole and Duff, did many fans, befuddle.
- Still looks creepy when drunk
Why drive an Aston Martin all the time, when I have a Ferrari and Porsche as well? That would just be stupid.
- Jose “My middle name is Analogy” Mourinho
Of the allegations against the Chelsea skipper, an opinion, have you?
- In an annoying way, still speaking
As I said, why drive an Aston Martin all the time, when I have a Ferrari and Porsche as well?
- Jose Jalapeno with some shitck
The Force, we all experience. But Pressure, prior to this game, experience, do you?
- Still strong in the force
Pressure? There is no pressure. Bird Flu is pressure. Seriously.
- Mr. Fair and Handsome
Okay, now you sound way more retarded than me and my Object-Subject-Verb speech.
- Mr. Fairly Green-like-a-cabbage
Yes, I’m a European champion and I think I’m a special one.
- The Special One
Love him or hate him, you have to admit, that you in fact, do love this guy. And come Wednesday, may the best team owned by a Russian oil billionaire win.
