Yet Another 0-0 Draw

Maddy’s Note: Oh and this is Vishwa. Not me.

“…numerous systems emerged after Rafa’s. Wenger had his own but couldn’t take it beyond four games, Allardyce had his own which was successful only in bits and pieces. The mere legacy of the Rafa 0-0 draw is what makes Liverpool and Rafa very special.”

- A Retired Test-cricketer.

If only the rules of the beautiful game had been different, and winners were picked solely on the basis of alphabetical order, then Real Madrid would have enjoyed a narrow win against Sporting Gijon. That United shouldn’t have lost against Liverpool even if the rule stayed the same is a totally different ball game all together. The Carragher foul was surely a straight red. Ill shut up at this point. However, circumstances and rules are different and Real Madrid has to live with the 0-0 draw against European giants Sporting Gijon.

It surely isn’t Pool’s year though it surely is Pool’s week. So as a tribute to their manager, the looking-like-panda-waving-hands-around-during-a-match-like-a-karate-sensei   Rafa Benitez i would like to present some FACTS.

Fact one:  I did not watch the match.

Fact two: I tried to watch the match on live stream. I waited for about twenty seconds  when a pink screen appeared with two hearts one moving from left to right and the other from top to bottom. This heart moving was there for about  3 minutes. Then some random scribbling in Spanish appeared and stayed there for about a minute and then there were those two hearts again. So after 5 minutes, I thought, tomorrow might just be Liverpool’s day, this year might be theirs, but today was definitely not mine.

Fact four:  I saw the Chelsea-Blackburn score line and went to sleep.

Fact Five: I missed fact three.

Fact Six: This fact thing is boring. Let me tell you a story.

There was a time in history, not long ago, when Liverpool were the masters of the classic “0-0” draw. Sure there have been numerous “0-0” draws before but the panda-looking-karate-sensei-doing ‘s “0-0” draws were different from the ones that were played out earlier. It looked like; he could do it at will. He was like a wizard, who could conjure up a 0-0 draw out of thin air. He puts a rabbit into a hat and changed it into a 0-0 draw. Such was his power and prowess.

Numerous researches were conducted but no one could find out how the wizard managed those classic “0-0” draws. Seasons came and went but the secret behind the 0-0 draw always remained a mystery and when Liverpool started to score goals in matches the secret was thought to be lost forever. Until one day when Real Madrid played Sporting Gijon.

There it was in the hands of Pellegrini, given to him by his trusted captain Raul who found it by accident in the Away team dressing room at Anfield . But against all expectations it wasn’t a secret mantra or an algorithm of sorts , it was a check-box; containing all the ingredients, mentioning both its quantity and quality. After going through the check box, we will all know the panda-look-alike’s scribbling during matches were not in fact scribbling as popularly thought but mathematical calculations  beyond the scope of a human brain. BigFourZa was able to get one signed copy of the check-box after the Madrid-Gijon match. It looked somewhat like this.

Check box:

Ball being played only between the keepers  (minimum 9 minutes)

Mindless head-tennis between defenders  (minimum  11 minutes)

Hopeless long balls ( minimum  1101)

Good attacking moves (anywhere between 0 and 2)

Keeper saves (min: 0, max:3)

Winger running with the ball dummying two people and

Conceding a throw in ( min:5  ,max: 1 million)

Goals ruled out for offside (min: -1;max:1)

Fouls at points equidistant from goals  (min:100)

No. of offsides ( min: infinity)

Time wasting (min:58 mins max:90 mins)

Highlights package( max:30 secs)

No. of quotes in BigFourZa (max:2)

Check in all boxes

As is evident from the check-box, Madrid did their job to perfection and got a result that once again proves why the karate-sensei-do-alike is in fact a genius and not a duffer as he was commonly regarded.

“…if both teams don’t score, it is a 0-0 draw.” 

- Carlton Palmer