Stoke-astic Probability

Apologies to all non-engineering people out there. It was just too well set up to resist. It is however a good term to describe how the Big Four fare against this upstart club who have give one-trick horse a whole new definition. Last season saw Liverpool do the Golden Duck against this team, failing to score in both the home and away games. Arsenal lost one. Chelsea won one in extra time, same as they did this season, with the same scoreline. United needed 82 minutes and Carlos Tevez at the Brittania Stadium to do this

On the other hand, there have also been hapless thrashings handed down to them.Arsenal put 4 past them and United put 5 past them last season respectively.  So what determines these completely unexpected, non-statistically explainable results? The answer is – I don’t care. Stoke City’s finicky form is right down there on the ‘List of things I care about’ alongside Fat Frankie L’s dog’s name and the number of moons Saturn has. United completed this high-variance trip (Stats-full post, this) successfully with all 3 points with Giggs showing up 17 Million transfers in very poor light. And Berbatov not helping that cause any.

I think there’s a general groundswell going on for Giggsy and his whole Knighthood thing. It has reached the point where the collective will of so many people wanting it is enough to bend the universe’s space-time continuum in Giggs’ favour. It’s like even God is going ‘Oh come on, give it to him’. But of course it’s important to see how the Queen of England views all of this. As it is the team’s got a Scot who’s been knighted. Now they’re all clamouring for a Welshman. I suspect the English Sports morale would not be at too much of a high right now with the Australian ODI thrashing, so maybe an English Knight makes more sense at the current moment.

Another thing is that Giggs has not even finished playing yet. Imagine the announcer going on at Old Trafford, “No. 11, Sir Ryan Giggs!” to loud cheers and roars and the neighing of horses as Giggs rides in on his trusted steed with his shield and sword by his side… You can see the general picture. I say he’s got plenty of time left after he retires when he’ll be doing absolutely nothing. Then he can play around with his horses and shields. Anyway, he’ll have plenty of those in his trophy case. Maybe he can fashion the medals also into some innovative Middle-Age weapon too.

To cut a long story short, the Universe was at it again at the Brittania Stadium. So much so that there’ve been completely assertive statements that it’s unfair to say God is on Giggs’ side. How can God help himself? You know, like how that saying goes. If God helps those who help themselves, then who helps God? To give credit to Stoke, they seemed resigned to the fact throughout the match. Even Rory Delap was not making his long throws reach the 6-yard box from the halfway line. Berba was the only one who seemed to not be in on the whole thing, as he got all excited about Giggs providing the killer ball that led to his goal while Giggs was going ‘Dude, relax’.

Then Johnny came marching home, to mark his 350th appearance with a goal as United got the second goal that allowed Scholes to be take off and replaced by 15 Million Pound Carrick. It’s really funny how these two are like the old Chetak your Dad keeps using irrespective of how many Suzukis or Hondas are lying around. They just don’t make them like they used to…

Wolfsburg up next, and another moment for the Universe to go ‘What the…’. Owen on one side, and Obafemi Martins on the other. Along with 10 others who won the German League last year of course. Surely there must be something good about them? It’s a good thing that United have drawn slightly unknown opponents in the group stages, lends a nice, exotic air to the whole thing. The Madrids and the Romas and Chelseas we play every year anyway. Let’s mix it up I say.

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