Welcome to Manchester

Of all the things Man City could have done with their Dinars, including shoving it up their arses, this is the worst and most idiotic that they could have. And trust them to go ahead and do it.

The small matter that most of the boys in their blue tights missed is that at the end of the day, it’s not the billboard that matters. It’s the scoreboard.

Note: All times are in IST. Also to note, the following interpretation of the day’s events are by no means due to the state I was in when I watched the match.

9:00 PM, Saturday -  Some bar in the red side of Manchester

SAF: Did you know about this plan I have to mess with Sparky’s head tomorrow?

Bartender: Yeah? Like how?

SAF: We’re going to score first, and put the fire up his arse. Then we’ll be kind and let him score again, so that ol’ Sparky doesn’t feel bad, you know?

Bartended: Oh yeah. But you’ll win of course? 2-1 then.

SAF: Oh no no, we’re not going to do it only once. All of three fuckin times! Score, concede, score, concede…  and just when he thinks he’s got his draw, pull out the ol’ injury timer! Just to mess with him more! But shh… don’t tell anyone. Only Ben, Rio and miself are in on this. Especially not Wayne, the boy’s mad.

4:00 PM, Sunday – On the short trip across Manchester

Sparky: You know, I get this funny feeling the Gaffer’s gonna pull something tomorrow. You’ve been with him the latest, what does he do before big games?

Carlos: grunt

Sparky: Cos you know, I distinctly remember he always used to say “At the home of Manchester, the game goes on till United win!” And well, they do. Fergie-time, they called it. You know that right?

Carlos: Grunt

Sparky: So how do you think Old T will take to you?

Carlos: GRUNT

Sparky: Well at least you got that right.

6:45 PM, Sunday – Inside Carlos’s head

Reconozco que éste no es el sonido que oí la vez última…  hmm…

7:59 PM, Sunday – Inside Rooney’s head

What the f***!!! Three goals and it’s still not enough?! F***, Rio you bloody f***in c**t! You can’t catch up with a stantrum-throwing, club-hopping, semi-drunk Welshman! And Ben you motherf***in idiot. Near-post, always the near post! I gotta do everything in this team! Ok, maybe Giggs, but just the two of us.

8:05:00 to 8:05:20 PM, Sunday – Inside Owen’s head.

Sigh, if only it were like the good old days back in Liverpool, when no hope was lost while I was still on the pitch. Now I’m only on the pitch when all hope is lost, or there’s absolutely no chance of losing… the game, or any hope. I’m sure even Rooney isn’t thinking of me now as he’s aimlessly punting this long ball here. Oop, there it goes, right back where it came. Maybe I”m stuck too far out left? I mean, there’s no one around me… Holy F***!!! There’s no one around me!!! Hey, Ryan.. RYAN!!!! Over here… yeah that’s right I’m waving like a mad man brother, give it to meeeee! Awright ball at my feet, take it easy Michael, you know how to do this, you’ve done it a Million times before… just over the keeper, that’s it, now watch it roll, there it goes, there it goes… oh my Gooooo <blank>.

8:06 PM, Sunday – Inside Carlos’ head. Again

(Translated for the benefit of our viewers and as a mark of respect to the cameraman who caught the priceless look on his face).

Whoa, nearly joined in the celebrations there! That was a close one. I shouldn’t go right? Right? Or maybe….

Well, you asked for it Carlito [Courtesy: Republik of Mancunia]

This has been an absolutely satisfying month. I think I’ll call it ‘bubble-bursting month’. At least Arsenal had a mildly defendable reason to think that this could be their year and everything. Spuds, also forgiven. But Citeh… I mean, CITEH. Ugh.

Revenge is a dish best served hot. Especially in the 6th minute of injury time

-Old Mancunian proverb.