Abou, Ebou and other Taboos.

(Pop-Culture Reference Alert): And so it is, O my brothers, that your friend and humble narrator finally slept off Saturday night, and woke up on a bright Sunday morning to a mild headache and a smile on his face.

However, I think the droogs in the picture would have a much bigger headache and a much smaller smile on their Sunday mornings. What say you, my brothers and only friends?

Many people wondered if the first of the Big Four clashes was coming too early in the season. Notwithstanding nonsense like this, it’s evident that everyone instinctively knows a big match – the players, managers, fans, even the dogs and pigeons on the streets and/or near the grounds. Or whatever stray animals it is that England has.In a way, it was a valid concern, with incidental games in the Champions League just finishing, and psychological news from the transfer window still affecting players. But then, there are always going to be some reason which got in the way of ‘perfect preparation’ for these games all through the season, so might as well get on with it eh?

The lineups were a bit of a surprise, with Fergie reacting to Arsenal’s formation rather than put out his A-team. That must rank among the worst mistakes in his career, right up there with Djemba-Djemba-Djemba-(tell me when to stop) and letting go of Jaap Stam. The point to note is that Arsenal don’t have strikers. They have wonderful midfielders, box-to-box players, pacy wingers and divers. But no strikers. So Wenger’s got no other formation to play. United have Carrick and Fletcher. And no one else who can actually play down the center of midfield. Hence, common opinion from about 70,000 at Old T and more than a million watchin on their tellys around 30 minutes into the match – Where the heck is Berba?

Carrick’s got a problem. Since that penalty Buuurn, he’s basically forgotten what to do with the ball once it’s somewhere around him. It’s not even in a simple ‘loss of form’ sense that I’m saying this, it’s in a very serious psychological sort of thing. Almost all of the Arsenal 11 took the ball off him at least once. Almunia would have too, if he had taken the penalty. Thankfully, he didn’t. However, it speaks volumes about his state of mind when you see his celebration here (Importantly, note Roon at the same moment)

Of course, RVP is going ‘Oh no, not again’. But again, I wouldn’t completely blame Carrick for being stunned at this moment. For this moment, was when Abou Diaby went from two-goal Hero, to minus-one-goal Zero as he impeccably finished into his own net from a Giggs cross. Why did he do what he did? That, all ye people, is going to be the ‘When did the Universe begin?’ question of football. The ‘Traveling Salesman Problem’ equivalent of training ground moves. The ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’of Football Trips. In fact, I got one right now.

Q. Why did Diaby score an own goal?

A. To get to the other side.

Was he heading it back to his keeper? Did he not see there were totally three United players in the box, all of whom were 4 inches shorter than him? Did he take his role of second striker too seriously? Do I look like I care? It’s the first time I’ve got football and a stand-up show rolled into one, I’ll take it I say!

And you thought that was the end of it? No no, how can any Arsenal comedy be complete without our very own Emmanuel Eboue stepping up? Or in this case, leaping up and crashing to the ground as he was brutally challenged and had the wind knocked out of him by… er… the wind. To mark this defining moment in football, a few big decisions have been proposed:

1. 4 match ban for Evra for not making any contact and showing up poor Eboue in such poor light.

2. In addition to Pass, Run, Sprint and Shoot keys, The Official FIFA 2010 game will have one special key for ‘Dive’ when you play as Arsenal. You will also get to switch player to Wenger, and a popup will surface which says ‘I didn’t see it‘.

3. Platini will not pick on Arsenal any more. They seem to be doing it fine themselves.

And before all of you Goners get excited and go on about the other parts of the game – Rooney is not required to leap over the keeper. The keeper is required to make contact with the ball, and is required to make no contact with the player. Gallas was offside. And yes, in the end, it is the 3 points that matter.

First Blood.