Crash & Burnley

I was setting myself up for this. Back when I said United were practically continuing their pre-season tour with their first two games itself, I was setting myself up for this. And now I just have to take it on the chin. Feels like a blow to a more sensitive part though.

Against an opponent that has not beaten them for 31 years, United chose to put in a completely toothless performance with every moment serving to magnify why a certain player in this team had been worth 80 Million Pounds. Right from starting with Owen to not putting in 3 of their last 4 penalties, United have seemed lost in situations which so far fell under the ‘Oh we have Ronaldo’ tab. At Turf Moor, it was a series of ‘Oh we have no Ronaldo anymore’ followed by ‘Oh what do we do now?’ followed by ‘Ohhhh…’ moments.

In what seems like a piece of fair play from the footballing Gods, it is undeniable that Blake’s goal was completely worthy of its big moment status. It is another matter that the goal was preceded by at least 3 other goals which somehow failed to go in. All of which you think the United defence would have learned form. Nope. It was similar to the goal conceded against Chelsea in the Community shield – ball keeps bouncing around the area for a full 2 minutes, given which time my hostel team would figure out a way to put the ball in. Yes, against United, not against the other hostel. Which brings us to Player No.2 in today’s ‘Oh, we have no X no more’ list. Nemanja Vidic.  A couple of headers from him and the ball would’ve voluntary stayed away from United’s D. But Johnny Evans can head the ball only so far and Wes Brown can’t head at all.

Now, with slight modifications, a new list. Player No. 1 on “Oh, this is what we have now?” is the too-much-talked-about Michael James Owen. My heart really goes out to him, I want to cry every time he kicks or jumps just after the ball is slightly past. Or when he makes those bending runs before realising the back four has already stepped up. And most of all when Rooney tries to set things up on a platter for him, so that the completely disinterested Capello might get interested. Not happening bro. If I were England manager who had Rooney, Defoe, Heskey, Crouch, Carlton Cole, Agbonlahor to pick from, I wouldn’t even look past the first two.

Player No.2 on the same list is Anderson. I don’t know why he started on the left, he’s much better off running into people in the center. He can’t cross, he can’t speed down the wing, and he most definitely can’t shoot. Nani can do at least 2 out of 3 at any given time. Of course, Ronaldo would’ve done 5 out of 3 while simultaneously balancing a jug of wine on his head and taking his shirt off for the female fans (And you thought it was in celebration). Call it underestimation, call it mid-week lethargy, most of United never really turned up for the match.

I think, on the evidence of this display and a general look through the squad, it would be fair to say United are not going to score too much this season. There’s no Lampard/Gerrard in the midfield, a fact which will bite hard when teams park the team bus in front of goal. Carrick can’t put the ball through 1 goalkeeper, I can’t see him putting it past 5 midfielders and 4 defenders. Hence, there needs to be something of another “Most Minutes without conceding” record if United are to be within touching distance of Chelsea and Liverpool. I have no fears about Arsenal’s ability to self-destruct.