United trundle past Bore-mingham

My momma always said, “Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

- Forrest Gump

Watching a football match over internet streaming is like that. You never know what commentary you are going to get on which link. If you get any at all. But after passing through Serbian, Spanish and Arabic commentary, the sound of silence is actually quite comforting. As it turned out, I didn’t miss much with the lack of commentary and I can simulate Stretford end chants in my head anyway… “Aaare you watching Merseyside?”

After Arsenal sold their soul to the Devil at Goodison Park, and the Devil himself rescued Chelsea at the death on Saturday, the pressure was on United to definitely get off to a winning start. The cause was not helped by Rio  joining Van Der Sar and Vidic on a very expensive and very defensive treatment table, leaving the back four looking more like a back-up four. In the center was Scholes making a surprise start, alongside Oh-we-missed-you-at-Rome Feltcher. And oh, Nani’s shoulder wasn’t dislocated after all. Apparently when Fergie said “We couldn’t put the thing back into place, and that’s a worry” after the Community Shield, he meant the make-shift sling that Nani had made of his jersey.

The first quarter of the match was a sparring contest, with Birmingham expectedly not being very adventurous, but also surprisingly passing the ball all around United. As has been pointed out, it’s not new for United to draw their first game, against a team that would be relegated, and win the League anyway. They’ve done it for 2 years now. But there wasn’t to be a three in a row, tic-tac-toe as Rooney stepped up to be counted.

In a rare spark of life from the wings, Nani whipped in decent ball from the left that Rooney rose, and rose and then rose some more to meet. The initial header was too well placed, as it evaded Hart, but also the gap between the goal and came back from the post. However, in a slight bit of fortune for United, the rebound landed right at Rooney’s feet. I mean, it landed just so beautifully it wasn’t even funny. Like the sort of ball you’d place for you 6 year-old cousin and so Go on, put it in. In all fairness, Rooney should’ve been awarded a goal and an assist for that one. Damned Fantasy League rules!

United never looked like getting another goal after that and Birmingham didn’t seem to care too much either way.  Giggs came on for Nani, presumably to preserve the shoulder. Valencia looked decidedly lost as he tried to figure out whether he was Ronaldo’s replacement and should run down the center, or just imagine this was Wigan with a much bigger stadium of 75,092 fans in attendance and stick to crossing in balls. In the end he managed neither. Berba had a header cleared off the line and a looping cross taken just off his head by the last defender. The moment was interesting in that it led to a rare display of ‘Oh so close!’ from Berba. So maybe the man has emotion after all. Owen came on for him, ran clean away from three defenders  on to a through ball from Rooney in the dying moments, and shot too close to Hart. Owen, oh Owen. You have the No.7 jersey lad. That’s gotta give you something!

And so it is to Burnley for the midweek fixture, in a sense continuing with a sort of pre-season warm-up. Ok, so I will not underestimate fellow Premier League sides and all, but surely there’s gotta be something wrong with a side that’s got disaster for a good part of its name. Maybe Fabio and Rafael will both play, that should add some novelty factor to the match.