Arsene's dirty little secret

As Maddy is away training for the Worlds Strongest Man competition, pumping steroids and learning how to drag heavy vehicles with his bare hands, I have stepped in to bring to you your piece of Arsenal for the day.

It is a tough time for The Arsenal undoubtedly– no trophy in six bazillion years, angry fans and apparently now a manager who feels unappreciated

3 league titles

4 FA cups

A Champions league final

Now I know that the ManU and Chelski supporting readers of this blog will inform us with a smug grin that this is just an Arsenal fan harping about our past. However, the fact is, that statistic is directed at Arsenal fans and the rest can take a long walk off a short pier.

Of course, it can’t be denied that four years without a trophy is unacceptable. But, to put it in perspective, most of us have only ever seen the trophy-laden years of Wenger and therefore it is a little hard to step back and look at things objectively, when you have nothing to step back to. Arsenal has gone through trophy droughts before and we’ve always come out of it. Anyone who has or is thinking of jumping ship because of a few bad years is not the kind of person we want around anyway.

There were a large number of United fans calling for Fergie’s head not so long ago. They are all very very quiet now. While I hate to admit it, Arsenal fandom is not free of morons either. These are the idiots currently baying for Wenger’s blood. And in this atmosphere, one innocuous little comment about Perez and Madrid being interesting — and here I’m sure he meant interesting in the same sense as watching Fat Sam struggle to get out of a chair is interesting– is being read as a firm indication of Wenger’s wish to leave. Madrid is a joke– a cheap, aging hooker in denial over the fact that she is now roughly as attractive as Harry Redknapp in a thong. Its quite clear to me that Wenger is staying. In fact, I have, through extensive and arduous research, managed to obtain a transcript of Wenger’s cryptic and much talked about statement to the French press.

Je trouve Florentino Perez’ paquet de s tout à fait intéressant, particulièrement avec lui responsable

However, there has been a terrible mistake in translation. The  quote actually translates to

I find Florentino Perez’s package very interesting, especially with him in charge

Now of course, dear Le Boss has had a long history of sexual deviance, right from his Monaco days of ‘rearing’ a young Thierry Henry to peeping into Jose’s bedroom. It is thus no great surprise that he has trained his beady French eyes onto unsuspecting fat Spaniard, Florentino Perez. Perhaps Perez is not all that innocent.  It has long been suspected that the assembling of the Galacticos of Madrid was little more than an attempt to get them all to star in a gay porn flick together. This was hard to establish as long as they were buying talented and driven footballers, but then they went and bought David Beckham.  Who I’d quite frankly rather see in porn than on a football pitch.

Anyway, as one can see, this whole thing has been blown way out of proportion, just like the naked posters of Florentino Perez on Arsene’s bedroom wall. Arsene is staying at the Arsenal, but bets are off as to where he is coming.

We will end with a bit of cheery news. Mikel Silvestre is apparently moving to PSG. Send your letters of thanks and appreciation to- Paris St Germain, Paris, France.